He Seemed Perfect | A Social Worker’s DV Survival Story | It Can Happen To Anyone
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This is the Imani Forester channel, and I am the author of the book “30 Reasons Why Men Deserve Nothing.” Here, we are passionate about opting out of dismantling of oppressive social systems that harm women, kids and families. We teach women to center themselves, love themselves, cultivate standards and boundaries in order to create healthy relationships with others – both romantic and platonic. Let’s get the discussion popping in the comments. Don’t forget to Like, Comment and Subscribe for more.
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He sounds like a black man
I really want to have empathy for women going through this but he was an extremely shitty person from the beginning, yet she had kids with him AND married him.
Why????
It's like women would go through all this for a title yet the title has NEVER been worth it. Is being single really that bad?
What is notable about this story, is how DV 101 it was.
Professions don’t matter. In fact , a lot of people in medical and psych professions are psychopaths, and same with teaching and professions that deal with vulnerable people. Sociopaths are attracted to these professions.
So the real first red flag is anger and a horrible temper, as well as coercive control. These two factors will tell you that this person is a future DV perpetrator.
I get the ick anytime someone monitors me, or is calling me, not to talk but to see if I will pick I up, etc. or if they blow up my phone etc, this is an automatic ghost!!!
I had a boyfriend when I was 16 that was controlling like this. I didn’t understand it, and thought his inquiries were misunderstandings. But even then after a while, I was just like “ if you don’t trust me this won’t work” and dumped his dumbass and never again.
I’ve since learned that controlling people like this are serious nut jobs. They always have serious mental problems and need to control people to assure themselves of their own identity. They are deeply insecure and deranged.
When you call this behavior out, in the beginning, and let them know “ ew, no thanks” they will back off, but then try to orchestrate situations of attachment and then try to trap you again.
The best way to deal with coercive control is not be controlled the first time. It’s all a test. Once the victim acts scared and complies thinking that life will be easier that way, it’s over. It only gets worse.
Jordan Peterson even said that when abusers finally commit the crime and get off on the release, it’s like nearly impossible to rehab an abusers brain. And they
This girl, ignored all the red flags and she wanted a man moreso than just living a life of peace and within her budget. There is something lacking in the victims agency to continue to go along until it’s truly unbearable, and the courts have ruled against domestic violence victims for this reason.
Women don’t know that men are a dime a dozen. Men know this, but women don’t. If you get a controlling loser, seriously dump this guy. They are on the bottom of the hierarchy. Find a man that is more emotional evolved and not living impulsively thru their high jacked brains
I feel horrible for this woman. This is why I don’t get mental health care from anyone who doesn’t get it for themselves. I am very picky about who I choose to work with. He needs to be evaluated😳 why is he working within that industry? I would report him to his board. I’m so sad she wasted her time, money and womb on that❤
I know many hate when people do this, but I am a mental health therapist and I work in a male prison. I work with cluster B A LOT and seeing these things play out in real life can change your perspective on men HEAVILY. I took a training about Cluster B diagnosis and one thing that this training did was make me realize that the way Cluster B is being "treated" in the community is completely ineffective. He described cluster B as character traits and character traits are NOT the same as symptoms. Many therapist and psychiatrist treat Cluster B as symptoms that could be reduced like depression and anxiety. However this does not work. He stated that people with Cluster B diagnosis are missing what he called the Observation ego. The observation ego is what helps others realize the mistakes or actions that they engage in and how it negatively effects themselves and others. With the observation ego we are granted the opportunity to possibly make change. One of the biggest things most with NPD lack is empathy. Empathy is a charter trait and is very difficult to teach. So many times the attempt to teach them empathy could be dangerous in the wrong hands and doesn't come natural. Long story short there is no "cure" for cluster B and most of the time the only thing that works is behavior modification which time a lot of time and effort that they are not committed or even interested in doing.
Calling someone a narcissist is not a diagnosis.The diagnosis is Narcissistic personality disorder. Most psychiatrist and psychologist refuse to diagnose and treat most of them, they are so toxic even to their therapists.
I would like to point out one particular thing: she mentions that abusers are "out of control" and you can do nothing.
Abusers are absolutely in control of themselves. Their logic is that hurting you benefits them. He wasnt out of control, because if he was out of control like so many like to claim, then all men would be pulling abuse tactics on randos in public and their bosses (honestly, anyone).
Many people join professions so that they can hide in plain sight while they commit their crimes. Think of police officers, priests, coaches, babysitters and in this case with her ex-husband, a licensed counselor. They have access and proximity to their victims while having the trust of the public.
He didn't have nothing😮
I've learned that some men will see abusive behavior in another man as abuse, but that same behavior not abuse if he is the one doing it.
Notice she did everything but walk away… the one thing that will set women free is walking away at the first sign. Nope!!!! They would rather get emotionally abused manipulated psychologically tortured and physically assaulted than be alone.
This is the thing that nobody wants to talk about. The number one way to protect yourself from abusers is to have healthy levels of self-love, self-worth, and self-respect. High self-worth women don't get abused!!!!! Abusers dont even target them. They don't tolerate a second of the tomfoolery and fuckary that most women are willing to put up with in order to get a ring. That's the cold hard truth, and the sooner that we women realize that and take ownership of that and focus on healing ourselves, the better off we will be.
The reality of the matter is that abusers target codependents. Point blank. That's the common denominator there's no exceptions end of story.
How do I know this woman was a codependent the fact that she was a social worker. Certain professions attract certain types of personalities. Nurses are co-dependent. teachers are codependent. Social workers are co-dependent. Politicians are narcs, actors are narcs, and doctors are narcs. It just is what it is.
She is admitting to already having self-worth issues when she entered into this relationship. We don't need to spend all of our time focused on how to try to spot the signs of narc abuse. We need to focus our time on increasing our levels of self-worth and loving ourselves. No man can gas us up because we've already gassed ourselves up.
Last but not least, the moment that anything that they do is not loving, caring, or respectful, we need to leave the damn relationship. What the hell is the point of learning all the signs and doing all the work if we're going to stay once they start doing disrespectful out-of-pocket shit????
Wow, he did all that New Years Eve but still left her son with him? Not only that, he has two guns that she was worried about when he left the house with them. I don't trust this woman for anything. She just said 'bro, we're not together anymore' but he can't talk to other women? OKAY?….. Sounds like they are both manipulating each other.
Don’t apologize, Queen. I want to be here
Why do you women continue to deal with men that try and keep you from your family and friend (especially your mother ) . It’s the first and the LARGEST red flag 🚩 .
1940/50 people: "We didn't have all this shit back in our days and we survived!" (Concerning mental health)
Their sons:
I call it the slow slide. The intentions of men, I trust none of them. They actually plan how they are gong to hurt you. I can't with men anymore.
Yeah I’m not here for her to work in this field and know she was in it and to stay and cover it up was crazy and she can stop with the morning happened in front of the kids is all cap she’s lying and I’m not here for her at all
Men normally use tactics on women to get what they want. You have to protect your mental state when it comes to them. It's a game to them. But to be a counselor and is an abuser is sick. Remember narcissistic people are very immature and insecure. They hate when you show themselves. The gaslighting and blame shifting is a lot to deal with when it comes to them. The silent treatment can go on for weeks.
This is an excellent example of how anyone can fall into the DV cycle and have a hard time getting out. It isn’t just women who have no options. I have a masters in psychology and didn’t have a clue what was happening to me. I was like a fly caught in a spider web, being wrapped up tighter and tighter over time until I felt I couldn’t move. The physical and mental pain was unbearable. I was in a prison of my own making until I got educated on covert narcissism specifically, something that was never taught to me in any of my classes or discussed in any of my treatment team meetings at the mental hospital where I once worked. Content like this saved my life as I was finally able to walk away 8 months ago and go no contact. I appreciate everyone who shares their stories both on the video and in the comments. You are all saving lives. ❤️
The really reason why she falls in the trap like everyone of us is really low self esteem! Even if you’re confidence coach, successful woman etc ! If deep inside you feel not enough you will always fall to narcissistic trapped! They know how to spot people like that! Make sure you bulletproof yourself that you are enough! Regardless of your weight, trauma, childhood etc! That once a man show his true color on you ! You love yourself so much to walk away! And never look back! Sadly most of us girls are brainwashed to be the good girl ,keep your mouth shut, keep silence, keep reputations of your family, be pleasing to everybody and be yes girl always put men first show care etc😂! Good girl always leads to our own destruction and I’ve been there! I tell you what after each date 😂i have to washed myself off with affirmations because men nowadays are full of c….rap!!!! Literally I don’t know why we women still wants to date men 😂hahahaha! Now I focus more on making money save for retirement in my old age! And live in the country side with my daughter! The peace, the clean house, plus you can walk around the house , free , sleep, read , laugh without men is so freeing! Like literally I don’t why I started dating again but I can’t imagine women spending money and time dating men when they get nothing out of it! I have men paying for my uber etc! And I don’t even sleep with them! You must know the game because most men are predators and the most dangerous one are the good man 😂 !! When they say that keep the open mind because he will show you the bad man soon! Always keep your heart ❤️! To people who really value you’ ! Dont show mercy on any men! Most of them are as…….shole to their mothers sisters daughters and wife, ! We have enough suffering daily to think about them! Make yourself so stable that any man won’t budge you once he is acting up close your eyes and pu…….nish that man ! 😂 men are so lucky we didn’t do revenge on them because if we do it’s gonna be blo….ody they need to grateful we just take the money! Because men takes everything in you when they do their revenge
Social media is these monster's place to run to